December 2nd

The night my friend died

I made my neighbor uncomfortable by hugging her for too long

I remember the shakes starting then

And after as I was being graded by myself and

My fraternity brothers packed in a black Ford Explorer

The dark window tint doing nothing to dim their judgment

The night my friend died

I wasted in a two-car garage at a house party off McClintock

Lil Wayne’s Lolli Pop, beer pong, chewing tobacco, weed, fifty people, and the shakes

Sipping into a blackout, I remember thinking

The night my friend died

I opened my bedroom door walked to the top of the stairs, and pissed down them

My roommate yelled from his bedroom (we lived in a loft)

What the fuck are you doing

You drunk fuck

What are you doing

I ignored him, finished, and went back to bed

I don’t remember this part (it’s what I heard)

The next day I was twenty minutes late for a mandatory class

That was part of my probation

Half drunk, terribly hungover

My roommate confronted me

What the fuck is wrong with you

I’m late; what are you talking about

You pissed down the stairs

That’s impossible, I said

I would never

But the carpet was soaking wet

The doors to the classroom were locked; the instructor wouldn’t let me in

The night my friend died

I got a call the following day I would have missed if I had been in that class

My friend was dead, the voice said

My friend was dead

When I got home, my roommate started on me again

But the subject quickly changed once I told him the news that

Our friend was dead

The night my friend died

I felt anxiety for the first time

Zap, chills, shaky shakes, shortness of breath

Oh yes, something is always wrong; I felt it then

His family found him in his bed, under the sheets